My Mom and I had an interesting back and forth about what love is... this is it
Matt:
A good relationship comes from two people meeting with wholeness about their being and enjoying one another in friendship. In their happiness together they form a loving relationship.
This love is a void of their wholeness created by being with the other and some how filled by being together. This emptiness was not present before they meet, but in the growth of the relationship it was created and brings a need; a burning painful requirement for happiness.
So any thoughts, on the subject?
Mom:
Now, that are some big thoughts! I agree that two people must feel whole within themselves before joining with another. When I have expected someone else to make me feel whole, I have resented them when they did not (and there is no way they can anyway). The part about independently happy is a part of this, too, as no one can make us happy either. Two whole people can then form a friendship instead of a needy thing.
As for the second paragraph, I am not sure I am interpreting it the way you were. What it means to me is that when we finally do find that fulfillment in a healthy relationship, we can notice that there was an emptiness before because we now know what was missing. I remember in school a teacher saying in the communistic state, those people did not know what they were missing because they had never experienced freedom.
Were you interpreting it the same way? Interesting.
Matt:
Thanks for the reply... You have given me a bit to think about. For the first paragraph I like how you said "independently happy." It's clearer and more to the point then my own statement.
The second paragraph, I like beg to differ a bit. I know what you're saying and even agree with it as a general concept of love. However love is also something unique to each relationship. It's almost as the other person scraps out a void in your own soul and then fits it perfectly. And if at some point they leave your life, this void is vacated. Yes you can be in love again, and start the whole process anew. It takes time, though, to heal and become whole person, again. It's probably one good reason not to jump right into another relationship or else you have the same problem as stated in paragraph one. You will expect the other person to fill this emptiness, but they cannot, because they are not the person that created it.
Mom:
I really like what you say about the void in the soul. Beautifully put. Yes, I agree that when we try to fill up that void too soon before a healing happens after going our separate ways, we are more apt to choose a person just to fill the void rather then have the objectivity to choose one who is good for us. Sometimes, a new person can create a high which obliterates the pain from the first person. Been there and done that! Again, I have found it is necessary to heal the wounds first otherwise the second person is like a band aid. Temporary fix.
Not that I have this relationship thing perfected myself! I am a work in progress.....
